Reflections...

This morning I watched the heart-wrenching Oprah show on the war in Northern Uganda and the genocide in Sudan and as always it left me at a loss for words. The atrocities being committed are unfathomable, it really is mind boggling to see that all this can happen and once again the rest of the world remains oblivious to it all. It's sad enough, too that the rest of the world may not be aware or some maybe have chosen to turn a deaf ear but what's even more painful to me at least as a Ugandan citizen is how we as a nation have failed to do more...I was reading about the Gulu walk and how it was started by these two young Canadian boys, then the Invisible Children, a film turned into an NGO and how these young American boys decided they had to at least try to do something and I was really challenged because it seems to me that a lot of us either take the situation lightly or are just trying not to see things as they really are...I've known about this war since it started but I guess it's always seemed distant which is very sad and I have prayed about it, I do feel the pain of these little kids especially but I haven't really tried to do anything more...If anyone was to visit Kampala today or other parts of Uganda, they would definitely think this war is just a bluff because no effects of this war are seen anywhere else in Uganda and I guess this has probably been the cause of so much neglect and failure to support our own people.

As I was watching the night walkers, these beautiful children with no place to go, having to run and hide in cages, walking miles and miles every night, this one girl, her face disfigured by a bomb, the rapes, the horror stories, this one little boy, formerly a child soldier who would rather die now than live because of what he's been through, he has given up hope! I'm so emotional right now, pardon me if I'm incoherent but this war has gone on for far too long...I remember when Esteri was involved in the Invisible Children plea awhile back and the way I was determined to do something and here I am, months later and nothing has changed...I'm so ashamed! But I am going to try, I promise to do as much as I can from now on, even if it means just making more people aware of this situation and finding more ways to help. These children don't deserve to live like this, nobody does!! The genocide in Sudan, I'm at a loss for words again but we all really need to try and do something however small to change this...please do check out the website, Invisible Children and there's also a global night commute on April 29th in various states and provinces across North America, do check that out, too...you don't have to pay or anything, just being there makes a difference! My prayer is that these children and people be forgotten no more, please try and make a difference in their lives!! If you would like to sign up for the Global Night Commute, please sign up here, Global Nite Commute thank you & God richly bless!!

Links for more information on the ongoing wars in Sudan and Northern Uganda;

Global Security Organization, Save Darfur Coalition, Genocide Intervention, Uganda Rising, The International Rescue Community

Other organizations to check out are UNICEF, World Vision, Women for Women International, CARE, etc, and you could also use Google to find more information. Peace & Love!!!

Posted by Kanyana at 11:31 PM | Permalink | Comments

I know I promised to finish my trail of thought on that "lesson to all of us" last blog, but I got so side-tracked I don't even quite remember what prompted that title let alone the blog so I'm sorry, I hope I can atleast blame these dreadful exams, two done though and two more to go but anyway, should I promise again, lol but if and when that thought does hit me again, y'all will definately be the first to know...:) And E ofcourse there was nothin really to learn from my ranting and raving, was there? Lol, but u know who takes the blame, right? "Yep" the shrink, lol...I should have written this in the comments section as it really was a reply to JKB and E but oh well...

I had such a wonderful day today, I'm still in awe of the little ways God chooses to reveal Himself to us, like this morning, on top of all the stress of studying for exams and the sleep deprivation which can be quite serious in my case, lol...I had the hustle of figuring out how exactly to get to this place where I was writing my exams but as luck had it or rather as God planned it, I got a ride to the ferry, which saved me two really long bus rides. So I get to the ferry terminal and before I could be thankful for the ride, I see that "the ferry" is actually this little rickety, rackety vessel that seriously shouldn't be allowed on the water, it was falling apart and the passenger booth was so small, it could probably sit only six or seven people at most...nywho, so I get on the ferry and I'm such a hydrophobe by the way, so you bet being on a little "boat" didn't help and top that with being a tad claustrophobic, I was really in a bad place...I was super nervous and all by myself, too which only made matters worse so it was starting to look like a boatride to "you know where" but anyway, in the midst of it all, as I was listening to "Redeemer" by Nicole C Mullen and praying, I looked through this tiny hole that was supposed to be the window and saw the sun and the way its glorious rays glistened on the water and I just smiled because it was the perfect picture for the song and it was also some sort of physical reminder that God is always there, even in a situation this small...

So I relaxed a little, still uncomfortable but happily waiting to embark on the "big" 10 minute journey, lol and then just like an immediate answer to my prayer, in walked my pastor, I literally jumped for joy, I'm not kidding, I was so happy to see him, I run and hugged him real tight, he must have been a little concerned, lol but the way I was praying for atleast somebody to join me in the passenger booth and then it's not just somebody but my pastor, I was too flabbergasted...well, once again Jesus took the wheel and made my day really beautiful, it might sound silly, my little phobias and all but it totally meant a lot to me and it helped change my attitude the rest of the day...I was more optimistic, thankful for everything, the rain, the hustle, the tiny booth, even the six draining hours of exams because hey, I am alive and still able to experience all this, feel the joy in my heart, my Redeemer's presence, His love and that is the best feeling in the world!

Oh and by the way, I ended up getting a ride from the ferry with my pastor which saved me yet another bus ride and I even got a ride on my way back, just thought u'd like to know that, lol but basically my day was just the best as soon as I let go of my fears and let in my God!! Peace & Love y'all!

Posted by Kanyana at 11:00 PM | Permalink | Comments

Judge one not by his charms but by his qualities!!!!

Thank you Jesus for so often speaking to me, I have to try and remind myself more often how many prayers of mine you've answered, I think I'll take a leaf from one of my heroes Afande O and literally write that list coz you are such an awesome God...I love u Jesus...I'm rushing out to do my hair but will finish writing this trail of thought when I get back, if I can remember it, lol...this is an incentive by the way to get me to finish writin this post later, I have like a hundred unfinished blog entries in draft form so...some people are weird, huh...hahaha...

Luv & God Bless y'all for now...:)

K, part 2...

So, I thought I'd be continuing my entry today but things change, I'm no longer feeling hyped enough to write about what I had wanted to earlier, the devil still continues to remind me of his presence, which is good in a way coz it keeps me on my toes, spirtually...there's all this drama going on and all, I can't really explain but what I can do is pray and pray I have and pray I will....

One thing I've learnt for sure though is our God is an awesome God, sometimes He'll bring us to and through all sorts of trials & tribulations only to make us stronger, so in the end we do win...I'm so thankful, too for the peace He has given me, I'm totally comforted by the fact that He has always and is always goin to be there, no matter what, for me, for all of us, through good and bad and there's no doubt about that...I'm uncertain about a number of things, real shaky sometimes, have my ups and downs, slip and fall, backslide, worry and all sorts of things but the only thing I'm certain of 100%, is God's love for me and that somehow makes everything else seem manageable...

I send out an honest heartfelt prayer to all the people involved in this madness, please God open their hearts up to you, use this experience as a means for them to get to know you, for those who haven't or for those who know you, to get to know you better...forgive those who don't mean well, please touch their hearts...we are all sinners and all have fallen short of your glory but in that same spirit, we all have hope in you father and forgiveness through you and we are free, if we choose...

For those being fought, buckle up, strengthen your armour, it's in situations like this when you really have to be a true warrior...when a soldier is hurt at war, they don't run back and hide and forget all the training they ever received, instead they keep on fighting, fight to get well, fight more strategically, and return to the battlefield even stronger than before...likewise, being christian soliders with the strongest armour of all, God's armour, nothing should be able to falter you coz life is hard, there are always going to be problems, I guess some problems are more complicated than others but we have to trust God, He that brought you to it, will definately bring you through it, ur light has to shine thru even in the toughest of times, there's no giving up...

And I know there's been a lot of hurtful things said, but we can't let it get to us, we instead have to be stronger and just give it all up to God...are we going to give up our lives and hide or stay miserable or whatever because of what someone else is saying or threatening to do, I am not saying those threats are not real by the way or undermining them, I do take them serious and I know they could be as real as it gets but nobody is promised tomorrow, not even today, it's not a sure deal that anyone is going to make it to the next second, alive and well, nobody knows that...you could go for a walk tomorrow and get hit by a drunk driver, heck even the garbage truck could back up into u when ur takin out ur trash and that could kill u...I've heard of really weird stories, people have fallen down stairs, adults, too and died so I'm sorry If I'm being too positive but I'm not going to let anyone ruin my life, I'm going to stay happy and thankful to God for each new day, each breath that I take...this whole situation has actually given me a whole new appreciation of life and has strengthened my faith even more, a whole lot of lessons to learn I think!!

So, I am moving on with my life regardless of the threats and messages I get or hear or anything, I know my God is good and If I've believed that for the last 21 years, nothing is going to stop me from continuing to believe that, some people just find joy in terrorising people and creating all this drama but it's only if you let it get to you, that it will...k,I really pity whoever has read this far, lol but I needed to vent, it's therapeutic, so my ka "personal shrink" once told me...I did have to get this out and hey, it is my space...I love u all & may God richly Bless!!

P:S Okay this is hilarious, since when did googled information = highly classified and top secret statistical information, puhlease, then Wikipedia should be published and replace the Oxford dictionary...God save us!!! Am out! This is a closed chapter!!

Posted by Kanyana at 3:49 PM | Permalink | Comments

I let go and know that God is in charge. If I begin to view something in my life as a problem or a burden, it is time for me to let go and let God. In prayer, I surrender control over the situation. Then I get out of the way and let God do God's part.

I surrender any nagging thoughts and worries that are on my mind, and I trust God. I have no need to control everything, plan every detail, or worry about every possibility. My commitment is to trust God. So I become still and quietly but trustingly proclaim, "I let go and let God."

Trusting in God relieves me. I feel as if a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I let go of my own need to force a particular outcome; rather, I trust that God will bring about the right outcome. I let go and know that God, as always, is in charge.

"Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you." - Psalm 55:22

Posted by Kanyana at 11:56 PM | Permalink | Comments

I got the idea to write about this after reading the breakup chronicles which I heard about on the Tyra show and also a couple of girlfriends callin me up all week with similar problems about love and relationships so as soon as I read the website, it definately clarified my feelings about bad love...

Abusive love, neglectful love, unrequited love, the list is endless...the kind of love that makes you chase after it, the kind that makes you think you're not quite good enough for it, that makes you think that maybe if you keep at it, you just might get it, the kind that makes you revert back to a more insecure you, or that's tricked you into thinking that's how it's gotta be...a love where you're biased about who you really are, your self esteem, your body image, one that makes you feel the need to be or look a certain way in order for it to work, one where your man makes you think or actually maybe even tells you that you have to look a certain way, be a certain weight just to be with him, like really? If your man isn't ready to love you for who you really are regardless of your weight, unless it's a health issue maybe, is he really worth it? Or if you feel the need to chase after love, is it worth it? Some may argue that it is but in most cases, I think not!

Or the love that's based on what you have and not who you are, those male version "gold diggers", and Kanye has now made that term seem like it refers to only women, puhlease when there's all these men who'll only date you for your money, or the type of car you drive or the fame or social position that you hold especially today when ladies aren't doing too bad for themselves, women's emancipation and all, which is great but kinda tends to attract those oh so good for nothing men who are literally looking for a free lunch and are so not worth it...I could go on forever about the different types of bad love, men and situations but all in all, when you think or have to lose weight or drive a posh car or make more money or gain fame or compromise who you are, etc, before you're deserving of love then that's love gone terribly wrong- bad love!!

Like one of the editor's on the website pondered how and when did we all get the notion that love is hard, difficult, painful, combative?? Is it something we've seen in our past growing up? Or is it learned behavior that we've picked up from the "real world"?? Well, regardless of its origins we need to put a stop to it, we all need to break up with that voice inside of us that tells us we're not worthy of love, of just being who we are without trying to be someone else, that voice that makes us think if someone is just not that into us, then it's somehow our fault, that makes us think we have to change who we are to please the other person, to be in love, or that we have to compromise our beliefs, our entire being all in the name of "love", the voice that tells us love is pain or pain is love and that's okay, that voice has really gotta go...relationships do take work and are sometimes hard, difficult and painful but LOVE? No, Love doesn't have to be like that!!!

Speaking of bad love and men, on Good friday ironically, a day that sums up the essence of pure real good love at it's best, a day when we remember how a man like no other selflessly lay down His life for us, one whose love so unconditional gave His life to save us...I've been confused actually about this whole Easter thing and whether to celebrate it or not after reading articles on how all these Religious holiday dates originated from pagan worshippers way back in the day but I guess the issue of the dates and all is really trivial compared to the meaning of the events that took place, like today where regardless of whether the date is wrong or not, it is a time to remember the perfect gift from the perfect man that we ought to be thankful for everyday!! Thank you Jesus for lovingly paying the price for our sins, dying on the cross so that we could live and be free!!! I love you!!

And with that, I wish you all a Happy Easter!!! Peace & Love!!!

Posted by Kanyana at 11:50 PM | Permalink | Comments

Forgiveness is letting go of the pain, and accepting what has happened, because it will not change. Forgiveness is dismissing the blame. Choices were made that caused the hurt; we each could have chosen differently, but we didn't.

Forgiveness is looking at the pain, learning the lessons it has produced, and understanding what we have learned. Forgiveness allows us to move on towards a better understanding of universal love and our true purpose.

Forgiveness is knowing that love is the answer to all questions, and that we all are in some way connected. Forgiveness is starting over with the knowledge that we have gained. I forgive you, and I forgive myself. I hope you can do the same. -Judith Mammay.


I open my heart to God and receive the blessing that forgiveness brings me. Jesus taught His followers the importance of giving and receiving forgiveness with a parable: A master had mercy on a servant and forgave him the debt he owed. This same servant refused to forgive another servant's debt. When the master found out, he had the unforgiving servant's debt restored.

Forgiveness is a natural function of the principle of giving and receiving. As I release the past, I open my heart to God, the forgiving Spirit within me and everyone. My forgiveness of myself is related to my forgiveness of others, because my willingness to forgive others inspires me to also forgive myself. My life is enriched as this cycle of giving and receiving continues to bless me and all my relationships.

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me." --Psalm 51:10

Posted by Kanyana at 12:31 PM | Permalink | Comments